Printed on August 27, 2007
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Breakup Dogs (Airs Friday, January 12)
There is a huge downside to consider if you're thinking of adopting a dog to fill a personal gap, such as the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a job layoff.
When you are in mourning, animals sense a weak human energy. So when you're at your emotional lowest and bring a dominant, anxious, aggressive, or high-energy dog into your home, they're going to automatically assume the leadership position, which can sometimes be dangerous.
It's much more important to have balance in your life in order to create a home for your new dog where you are the calm and assertive leader. Of course, people have the best intentions when they adopt a pet, but it's best to rescue yourself first!
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20 Comments
THIS is the area I have made the biggest growth on and it was really due to Cesar's explaination of death and dogs in his book "Cesar's Way".
12 years ago, Tanna, my black lab let me know she was done. (Yes they do!) So I took her in. (Bless all of you who do this!) My heart ripped apart, she had seen me through the worst years of my life. When I returned home, my rottie Thunderboy put his head in my lap, giving licks clearly trying to help (in dog way). My collie-chow Foxiegirl absolutlely did the best snoopy dance I have ever seen a dog do (she did NOT get along with the lab, no more competetion).
How did they know what happened? I had been communicating with them consciously and at will with sending mental pictures and emotions.
Signalbear, my redzone rescue came into my life just a few short months after Cesar's show started. 6 months later, we discovered a football size tumor in his chest, weeks later, the time came to put him down. If it wasnt for the 100% Cesar-way attention I had to work with Signal Bear, I am not sure I could have come out of my emotionality of the grief and loss of this dog that I helped take the first breath and take his last. Foxie had cancer too. I had to stay calm and focused for both Signal and Foxie.
Her two week prognosis lasted 5 years, with the help of alternative medicine. She passed AT the vets. Just stopped breathing while we were at breakfast waiting test results. I have taught Pet CPR how could I have not tried to keep her alive if I was with her? The one small window where I wasnt with her. I see the pattern, of how they have died and I/we respond.
Point of these stories - I have come to agree with Cesar completely. Death is NOT their issue, it is ours, from my experience. Every time, the reactions of the surviving dogs has completely mirrored mine! When I came home from Foxie's death, sad and missing her but at peace - (she got 5 more years than without my help), EVERYTHING was different at home ~ calm, peaceful, life as usual. This calmness also opened my heart to bring in another rescue -Meja, within two weeks, like Foxie had been, abused, fearful and the polar opposite of Signal Bear's redzone energy. Meja and Signal now teach other "unsaveable" dogs who have been rehomed.
I'm one of those who has to test things, before believing or adopting them, and so it has been with the many techniques of Cesar's way. Still, it is this one perspective/information, which Cesar spoke of (clarified) first that I have since felt/experienced for myself. This has been amongst the greatest of heart gifts that I have ever recieved from anyone. How to feel good and at peace when my beloved dogs are with me no more in the physical.
For this great gift of insight from his words ~ Thank you Cesar, and all who support you in your great work!
I can totally relate to this. (BTW, please don't mind my grammars. I was born severe/profound hearing loss) I lost my mom a year ago, and someone found a 5 weeks old border collie/black lab mixed on the side of the road and asked we wanted to keep him. My son always wanted a dog, and I did too so I said yes. Right away, this puppy started biting us all over us. I know it is normal for puppies, but this puppy had sharp teeth and made us bleed sometime. I almost resent getting this puppy, but often wondered if he could sense my grieving over my mom. He is 6 months old now and still try to bite us.
He is most aggressive when he is outside in our backyard and try to chase us around. I decided to chase him..not by running, but by walking so I wouldn't get too tired. I will keep walking until he get tired and give up which he have. I am not really chasing him, I am really trying to teach him not run away from me when I walk up to him and I am trying to let him know that I will not allow him to chase me by chasing him first. I hope it works. He is a very sweet dog when everything is quiet in the house (he also gets aggressive when my 5 years old is up and playing. he likes chase my son). P.S. I love your show and so does my son :)
A year and 1/2 ago I moved to Phoenix, AZ. One month after moving, I adopted a Greyhound from Arizona Adopt a Greyhound. Three weeks ago, I just adopted my second greyhound. Watching your program faithfully, and seeing a variety of different problems with different breeds, I can only be thankful of the breed I choose to adopt. Their 15 minutes of playtime is followed by the next 5 hours of sleep. Watching them run, they are to be compared to the Cheetah, short and fast. I only wish there was a way to let people know that the greyhounds who are bred to race for our enjoyment depend on us for a home after their career ends and make such great pets.
I know your program only deals with dogs that have behavioral problems, so I will continue to watch, (while my 3 yr. old and 2 yr old greyhounds sleep away); maybe one day a greyhound just might have a problem and the public can see what a beautiful breed it really is.....
That is a great show idea! People need to see how Greyhounds are used for racing & then need homes! I love all the greyhounds I know.
Cesar has some good information but don't foget to check and see what others are doing and saying in the field of dog training and behavior. Animal behaviorists, biologists, psychologists, dog trainers, & ethologists are coming out with new pet dog related information almost daily! I'm reading Patricia McConnell's PhD new book "For the Love of A Dog" and it is WONDERFUL. I'm a fan of Jean Donaldson & Dr. Ian Dunbar PhD's books as well. Ray Coppinger & Dr. Nicholas Dodman, Dr. Temple Grandin, Trish King, James A Serpell also... the list goes on and on. The most current research and information available regarding dogs and dog behavior is NEW, EXTENSIVE, EXCITING!
Cody, an 8 week old Basset Hound, came to us by chance only 2 days after my Cairn Terrier of 10 years had to be put down. I was a total wreck, and I believe that he sensed my lack of control.... he assumed the role of pack leader and I don't seem to be able to project that position. He doesn't mind me and my HUGE problem is the house training.... I watch Cesar regularly, but I don't see this particular issue being addressed. Cody can be so sweet and then the next moment he's an absolute handful! He can be aggressive and naughty ... then he's the best buddy ever!
I know the problem is more with me....... How can "I" teach him to be a good boy - go potty outside - and listen to my instruction? He stays in his kennel during the day when I'm at work - my Dad comes over and walks him at lunchtime so he doesn't have to wait so long. Sometimes I will walk and walk with him..... THEN he will come inside and go potty!! I'm so frustrated! Help!!
I have recently begun watching "Dog Whisperer" and love the program! It is very helpful and interesting!
I must comment on the show I saw today with Justice and Smokey. Smokey was referred to as a retriever/lab mix when in actuality he looked an awfully lot like a Flat Coated Retriever, a not-so-well known breed from England. That I have one is the only reason I would know that there is such a breed.
Thank you for all the interesting and informative programs!! Jerry L. White
I have four wonderful poodles. However they rule the roost and one in particular rules everyone else. He gets so jealous and attacks the other dogs and hurts them. I have been trying Cesar's techniques to no avail, Gus continues to dominate. Joe is picking up on that and becoming aggressive. Cisco is picking up on that becoming dominant and possessive. My husband cannot even kiss me good night before going to bed because Cisco will attack him.
We really need help with our pack, but I will continue to watch the show and keep trying. Thank you
Our chihuahua is stubborn to house train. We live in NH where temps drop to below zero and snow. She loves to go outside, without a coat i might add, and enjoys herself, but comes inside to pee and poo. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't see this addressed on the show. I've started to put down papers near the door because i'm tired of stepping in puddles and........
My brother and Sister in law lost their 19 y/o daughter to a brain aneurism this past spring while she was in college.The family is very close and the lose of their youngest daughter hit everyone very hard. This week they bought two yorkies one for the mother and one for the older sister who is 21. I am an advide dog lover, breeder and owner and I was concerned to hear they bought the 1st dogs they saw. I know the yorkie breed and tried to advise them on some of the health problems they may face such as sizures,diabites,blindnes ect. however I feel this may have fallen on deaf ears. I hope the two puppys that have joined the family are happy,healthy and bring much needed joy to them. I am just concerned they are using the dogs to fill the void left by their daughters death. I wish I could have talked them into waiting. Please share any thoughts you may have; anyone out there, as to if you think this has helped you during your time of grief.
Point of these stories - I have come to agree with Cesar completely. Death is NOT their issue, it is ours, from my experience
CJ many profound thanks for posting this and your story.
and of course thanking Cesar too.
My family just lost our beloved pug, Maggie 1 month ago. All of us are completely devastated emotionally. ( Especially since she was only 8 years old and we suspect mistakes were made at the vet's office) She was the little angel that helped bring great healing and joy to all of our hearts when I lost my Dad, Aunt,Uncle,Cousin, and friend in a short time span. My husband's Dad had cancer and died as did his cousin in this time period in our lives as well. I thank God I "adopted" her when I did - I only wish she were still here with us physically. She didn't "replace" any of our human loved ones that passed on, but I can honestly say Maggie brought so much happiness to my entire family. My Maggie was my only comfort in my grief (particularly for my Dad). We also just adopted a little abused dog from a rescue in honor of Maggie - he can't replace her, but we all need to love again. I feel like Maggie "led" us to Possum to help heal our hearts once again. Thank you Cesar for your wonderful work with dogs - they truly are "man's best (and truest) friend. Thanks
I have a dog named Scrap, he is wild and crazy who loves to play and run, jump on people, loves children but is spoiled rotten. I would like to train him not to jump on people but he is a handful. Can someone help me? Scrap is 4 years old and I have had him since he was a baby. My sister said Scrap is a working dog. I know one thing, he is full of energy all the time.
Cesar,
I am writing in regards to our dog camp, Simba Ranch, located in the mountains of Colorado. We are all fans of your show and techniques, and we are curious what your opinions would be on our sitation. We experience difficulties at our camp with the ever changing pack. We have approximately 10 dogs on a daily basis nnd they are always changing. We also hwve many different dog types, training beliefs, and boundaries from every individual dog. Please let me know how we can run our camp at a consistent level of peace!
Thank you for your time and knowledge, Therese
I need help. I rescued a Beagle, someone dropped her off at my house, it took 5 days to catch her. She was emaciated, wild and in poor health but after 2 weeks of attention, food and water she is back in good health She is very loving and mild mannered in the house but as soon as she gets outside she wants to take off. I found a very good home for this beautiful puppy (6-7 months old) but I need to break her of trying to run away outside. I'm not allowed to have animals in my apt but I'm willing to chance it until I know she is okay.
Where can I get help to give this little girl a loving family and a place to call home?
Dear Lisa,
Bless you for your kind heart to rescue that little Beagle. Have you looked on petfinder.com to find a breed specific rescue that helps Beagles. I know of one near my home in NJ - if you live in NJ look up Penny's Angel Beagle rescue. A breed specific rescue group is devoted to saving each dog and finding them a safe and loving home.( some also rescue mix-breed if traits are aparent of the breed they rescue)
Just be really certain to not bring the pup to a" high kill"-shelter. They euthanize even healthy loving dogs because of lack of space if they aren't adopted soon enough.( some as short a time as 1 or 2 weeks only.!)
There are many other groups that rescue all dogs of any type. Look at Beagle Rescue groups first on the internet. If you have no luck there call the ASPCA or Humane society for referrals to your local rescue groups. Only turn her over to them if they are strictly no-kill. P.S. Rescue groups,not shelters use a network of foster homes and very carefully screen adoptive homes. Good luck to you and your sweet little pup - it is heartwarming to know there are still wonderful people in this world. There are others just as kind that will be willing to help you both. Let us know how it works out.
Dear Lisa, As an afterthought, I wondered if you took the pup to a veterinarian? I believe they can scan her for a micro-chip I.D. if there is one. If there is it would provide you with the family that lost her. Some creeps steal other's family pets and they escape trying to find home or the criminals simply abandon them if they can't sell them. Try very hard to find the rescue if there isn't a micro-chip (a shelter should be able to scan her for you for free also). Don't put a free-to-good-home ad either some laboratories take these poor dogs and cats to use in labs ad "guinea pigs". Sorry to ramble - Best of Luck!!!
cesar im 15 and i watch ur show evey time its on. jsut about 3 months ago i got a border collie/black lab mix i named her chloe and shes the best ever!!!!!well right now theres like 2 feet of snow and i dont have anyways of buring her energy and some times she just way to crazy i dont no what i should do. and i also have a pomeranian thats at my house and he does not like chloe and even if she jsut goes up to him and shes jsut smelling him then he growles and shows his teeth. and shes 8 months so shes really hiper and she tries to play with him and then he will bite her. but when i bring her to a pet store then she barks and trys to jump on the other dogs and i dont no if shes doing this because of the pomeranian or what.
Instead of my story, I'll share a poem I wrote about making the decision to euthanize my 13 yr old Ridgeback, who beat the odds against mast cell tumors for 6 years.
Before the Bridge
by A. D. Ripke
Yesterday all seemed fine
Or mostly, anyway,
Gray muzzle and silent ears
Excused his lazy days.
Today he’s sleeping in the sun
And walking slowly up the hill
His graceful gait is stuttered
His tail almost still.
Birds no longer taunt him
Squirrels withhold their chatter
Cats just sit and wait
The hunt no longer matters.
I seek his tired eyes for wisdom
A prophecy that cannot lie,
I find a quiet answer,
“I’m getting ready for good-bye.”
I wonder—
How will I know for certain when it’s time?
Do I wait and let it happen naturally?
Do I help him bow out gracefully?
When am I loving selfishly?
Questions find their rest
In the arms of my resistance
Answers seek their rightful place
Where emotions keep their distance.
Memories rope around each thought
Tying knots of indecision
There are no absolutes
No crystal ball or mystic vision.
How will I know when living is unkind? tears welling as I ask.
Then, from across the Rainbow Bridge*, a gentle voice unveils my task—
“Watch him live—
If his greatest joy is slumber
No response to your commands
His mind does not remember
His legs no longer stand
When his dancing eyes are resting
When he chooses shade instead of sun
When walks are just him dreaming
Your wondering is done.”
I ponder this simple explanation
Advice I could’ve given
But too much love, immeasurable love,
Is blind to answers never hidden.
So Reason’s awkward comfort
An argument still pending
Prepares me for good-bye
Unlike another’s tragic ending.
And in that final moment
As wisdom fights my will
I’ll know he’s found
His peace,
His place,
His friends,
When paws and tail are still. ©2006
*A poem that describes a place where we will be reunited with our cherished companions. Rainbow Bridge
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I'm so sorry for your loss. All who love and are loved by our wonderful dogs understand your grief. We all will be with our best friends again someday. Peace to you and all others who mourn.
Shadow:
I have a 5 year old Border Collie/Black Lab mix we adopted 1 year ago. He is well trained, but has some problems:
1. He gets aggressive with other dogs if they come near myself or my husband. At the dog park, he is a loaner until some dog comes near us and then look out.
2. He has an obsession with paper products; eating them. I will spare you some of the stories, but paper is his drug of choice.
3. The dog is very loving and great with people. He is generally happy, loves to be with us, and smart. If he hasn't greeted us at the door when we get home, he has done something.
I am not trying to scare you, despite all his issues, we truly love this dog and he loves us. I read somewhere that Border Collies/Lab mixes need to be socialized right from the start or they get 'shy' as they age. We are evidence of this. Hang in there with the dog. All they want to do is be loved, and once you begin to heal, your heart will open up for this dog.
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