Understanding, inspiration, and empowerment from Andrew's story
The NGC Blog is very proud and honored to have the following contribution from Vicki McAuley. Vicki is the wife of life-long adventurer Andrew McAuley. As documented in the upcoming premiere SOLO, Andrew set out to become the first person to kayak from Australia to New Zealand across one of the wildest and loneliest stretches of ocean on Earth. On February 9, New Zealand maritime authorities received his distress call. Having survived a harrowing and torturous month at sea, conquering monstrous swells and terrifying storms, McAuley lost his life only a day from completing his journey. Below is Vicki opening up to her thoughts about the film and how she has managed to cope with this tragic loss.
Vicki McAuley
A friend of mine gave me a beautiful little book just recently, and in the opening pages I read, "There is no way out of grief, only through grief." How very true! And also, I guess, how very timely for me to be reading these words, because I was given the book at a time when all the stress and trauma of the documentary was coming to a head.
Many times I've questioned the wisdom of continuing on with the process of having this documentary made. Why do it? Why drag myself through hell again as I relive this nightmare?
The resounding answer is that Andrew began this whole process years ago with a dream, and that dream, through his tenacity, persistence and outright courage became initially a reality for him, although ultimately a nightmare for those of us who love him so very much. Yet I know he would want me to see the project through to completion - a vastly different story to what it was supposed to be, yes. Nonetheless I believe he would still want the story told. And very importantly for me, I've realised that the documentary has been an essential part of that process of working THROUGH grief.
In February last year, we held a memorial service for Andrew, and at that time I asked him to give me the strength and courage to continue on without him. These past 18 months have taught me many things, but most importantly I've learned that Ant really is still there for me, and he's guiding me and he's giving me strength, and he's giving me the courage to face life. I'm blessed in having a beautiful little son, Finlay, who has many of his dad's exceptional qualities, and I'll do all I can to ensure that Finlay grows up with his father's strength of character, and his enduring passion for life and for adventure.
The directors of Solo, Jen and David have made what I believe to be a very confronting and evocative story of my husband's incredible voyage. It was a profound physical and psychological journey that Andrew travelled, and I think that his story will have a profound affect on the viewer. And I hope this story will help to open up conversation so that people can know that it's OK to talk about it, because that's another thing I've learnt this past year and a half - people don't know how to talk about death.
Ant has always been the one person I know who truly had the gift of reaching out and grabbing life, and living it to the fullest, and squeezing every ounce of excitement out of it.
I have the most incredible undying love and respect for him for being brave enough to follow his dreams. And I want to talk about him, not only because he's an incredible man, but also because talking, for me, is very necessary in working through grief. It is my hope that others might gain some understanding, and inspiration, and empowerment from Andrew's story.
Andrew endured incredible hardship for 30 days at sea in his tiny kayak and demonstrated almost inhuman resolve to weather the extreme conditions. I take solace in the thought of the indescribable feeling of euphoria that he experienced when he sighted the mountainous coast of New Zealand. I'm sure words could never express his emotions at that moment when the low lying clouds appeared on the horizon, with the first glimpse of mountains rising above the clouds. I hold onto that imagery.
SOLO premieres Monday, September 15 at 10p et/pt.
Click here to watch the documentary's trailer.
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25 Comments
Thank you Vicki for sharing your family's story. My heart goes out to you and your son. I do hope by sharing Andrew's story it will allow you to work further through the grief of your loss. Your a strong women and an inspiration to everyone who's lost someone they love.
I LOVE YOUR SHOW NEVER MISS IT,I WISH I CAN TAKE THEM ALL.LOVE ANIMALS.THE S TAFF IS SO GOOD IF I WERE IN MY 20 I WOULD WORK FOR YOU.I LOVED THE SHOW WITH THE PITT BULL NICE JOB.CAN YOU SAVE A DOG IN MASS HIS NAME IS BLUE,HE IS A HUSKEY BROWN AND WHITE LONG HAIR.HE BIN IN THE DOG POUND FOR 2 MONTHS.BLUE IS IN CHICOPEE MASS.I THINK HE IS 2-3 YEARS OLD.PLEASE HELP HIM TO GIVE HIM A OTHER HAPPY LIVE.HE ONLY GOT THIS MONTH OTHER WISE THERE WILL PUT HIM DOWN.MY PHONE IS 860-355-5128 THANK YOU GOD BLESS YOU ALL MARLIESE
Although I am in absolute awe of what Andrew accomplished the feelings that stay with me following his story was one of regret for Andrew and you and your son. The loss of life spent with those you love compared to the gain through this adventure is one I can not fathom. We can not take away from Andrew's incredible courage but I felt I could hear in one of his recordings his great concern to getting home above all else; to be with his family. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I too have been affected by what I saw last night. Andrew possessed a daring spirit that I cannot begin to relate to. I feel better equipped to relate to Vicki, because I am a mother. My youngest is not quite 4, and I cannot imagine raising him and his brother and sister without my husband. Vicki truly is the brave one, to let him go, to let him follow his dreams even though the result, could have been (and was)devastating. My heart is breaking for her and her young son. I wish them nothing but the best.
I have never been as emotionally moved by a program as I was last night. As a father of two, little boys I can’t explain how powerfully Finlay’s playful "bye Daddy" spoken on the first launch resonates with me. My son has a similar, innocent and happy quality. I can appreciate the pursuit of adventures but not the potential exposure to personal and familial sacrifice documented here. I cannot imagine my life without my tiny voices calling to me. Wishing you all the best.
The photo of you weeping next to the boat says it all.
This past monday night as I was preparing for bed after a long day on the road, I turned on the national geographic channel to settle down for the night. I had no idea what was going to be on, or how long I would watch T.V. before calling it a night. Solo: Lost at Sea came on and grabbed onto my heart and wouldnt let go. I am not a middle aged man or an elderly man, i am a 24 year old who was inspired by a man's courage and almost brought to tears by his story. I watched the show and spent the remainder of the night thinking about this man and his story and how it affected those closest to him. It Was not till the very end that i realized he wouldnt make it out to talk about it. My heart goes out to the friends and family of Andrew McAuley. Your Courage to help make this show is almost as amazing as the man that you backed with everything you had. I was truly blessed to have seen the story, and i will never forget it. Someday when I have children I will talk of this man who tried to cross the Tasman, and those who supported his dream. Thank you all. It will impact my life forever.
Vicki Hi,
I keep telling myself, Andrew died doing what he loved best. You are so lucky to have known him.
What got me was your son saying "This is my kajak."
And no more sorrow!
lp
As I watched the episode the only thing I could think about was the absolute selfishness of this so called 'adventurer'. These people who claim to be living life to the full but who take the feellings and welfare of others forgranted for ones selfish desires is the furthest thing from living. His story confirms that in this world there are those who cause untold emotional pain and suffering to others as they endulge their "Me First" desires and Andrew McAuley was one of them. And for those who say he died doing what he loved I doubt that was what HE was thinking as his lungs filled with water. He was no doubt thinking about his wife, son, family and friends. Therefore the moments before he died were the only moments of sanity in his wasted life. To say that Andrew got what he deserved would be an understatement.
What a selfish asswipe. He deserve to die, and I hope his soul will rot in hell.
Steve - What an utterly heartless and classless thing to say. Are you somehow proud of yourself for posting this type of comment to this man's widow's blog? Would you say this if you were face to face with her? You're a coward and I hope NGC deletes your vile comment from this blog.
Jon - You don't even deserve to be breathing the same air as the rest of us.
oh
www.monstersandcritics.com/smallscreen/reviews/article_1430746.php/Review_Nat_Geo_Solo_Lost_at_Sea_and_for_what
Paul - This is not a forum to debate differences in opinion, this is a PUBLIC forum to post comments based upon the episode aired on natgeo. Why dont you comment on the episode and not my comment. If you dont like what is said then you should be upset with natgeo for allowing comments on this controversial story. I would like to read what you think of this story.
After watching Andrew and his adventure, i still cant get it out of my head, this was by far the most inspiring story ive ever heard. I dont care if this is a public forum or not, i hope jon is the only person here who rots in hell. Youll never accomplish anything in your life dude, go to hell and burn.
I have been very interested in seeing this program but it appears that it is not airing again until October 12th. Does anyone know if it is airing any sooner?
I don't understand. If someone thinks that this journey was selfish or stupid, why not keep that to yourself? Why go somewhere that his widow could read it?
The lack of consideration is overwhelming. You are free to think what you want but could you not have found a more productive way to share? It is sad that this man died and that his wife and child are left behind but the fact that he lived life to its fullest is fairly obvious. If his wife can find the ability not to be angry that he left them behind doing what he was passionate about, why can't you?
You have no reason to offer your input here and I find it sad that you needed to do this to someone to make yourself feel better.
To Vicki, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you do find peace in sharing Andrew's story.
This guy was nuts and very selfish and it shows because he begged for his life in the end! In the end all he could think about was his family and friends and that should have been what he was thinking about in the first place!!!!! Also kayaks (however you spell it) belong on lakes and rivers only an idiot would attempt to cross s sea with one!!! Oh and by the way his wife says he made it well if he did then why are you sleeping alone and working through your grief?
This guy was nuts and very selfish and it shows because he begged for his life in the end! In the end all he could think about was his family and friends and that should have been what he was thinking about in the first place!!!!! Also kayaks (however you spell it) belong on lakes and rivers only an idiot would attempt to cross s sea with one!!! Oh and by the way his wife says he made it well if he did then why are you sleeping alone and working through your grief?
Paul
What, Am I suppose to feel sorry for this idiot and his wife? They brought all this to themselves. She should have drowned with him. They do not deserve to have a son. Selfish bastards like him do not deserve a family. Hes better of this planet that way he can not hurt his son anymore. I hope he rots in hell. You can go ahead and join him to, Paul!
Yeah Paul, I breath the same air as you. If you don't like it, You can kiss my behind.
You can't hate him for being an adventurer.
It is rather unsettling to see such terrible, insensitive comments written in a space designated for understanding, inspiration, and empowerment. Andrew's kayaking adventure is a testament to his character, and an impressive display of bravery and drive. it is easy to criticize someone when sitting behind a keyboard in the comfortable controlled environment we have at home, but taking a chance against the strenth of nature is the ultimate challenge. The spirit of adventure drives individuals to push themselves harder than they ever imagined. Why? because you will never come to realize your full potential without pushing yourself to the brink of failure! it's undeniable! how will you know how far you can run, without running as far as you can? how will you know how high you can climb without climbing? cant relate? how bout how will you know how many fake friends you can make without myspace? you computer geeks will never understand the allure that nature can have on an adventurous spirit. you're too busy emailing chain letters to get outside and push your limits. don't be jeaous because the most adventurous part of your day is ordering the fish sandwich at the drive through. you have an important job! the world needs people like you to be an example of failure for our children! Those of us who have experienced the raw joy the comes from defeating something bigger than ourselves (not call of duty) are undeniably inspired by Andrew's magnificent adventure.
So to jon and whoever else wants to be unimpressed with Andrew's monumental dream, i invite you to embark on an adventure of your own to new york so you can explain your ignorant comments to my face. my email is anetter@vzw.blackberry.net
I would like to apologize for remaks that I made last week. It was very insensitive and unnecessary. I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck with you and your son and your family.
To Andrew:
Why dont you tell your wife and child, if you have them (probably not)or maybe your parents, that your going to risk your life, your familys happiness and welfare just so you can see "how far you can run" or "how high you can climb". Your statements exposed your utter ignorance of what real living is. If you want to realize your true potential why not use your life to make a difference in the world. The problem with your selfishness is that your to selfish to realize it. I hope to god that you dont have any family to put through the torture that Andrew McAuley put his family through.
It's been a while and I've had a good hard think about this. I was wrong to make the comments I made. I don't understand Andrew's mind set, but it is not for me to make such silly comments. Vicki, I'm sorry for being an opinionated twit!
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